The Sunday Parenting Party
Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up any and all parenting posts (old and new, heart felt or off the cuff, we love tips and tricks, anecdotes of good days and bad, and even birth stories. Please don't link Kids activities and crafts, these can be linked to the Kids Co-op. Thanks
This week I am linking:
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Odd one out
When it comes to philosophies I tend to do things by halves. I am not the kind of person that buys into any philosophy hook, line and sinker. I don't tend to find one that I can live, sleep and breath unquestioningly. I'm more of a 'take a bit here and take a bit there', I build what works for me and mine.
As a result I tend not to "fit in". I can't package myself in a neat way that helps others label me. This sometimes makes me feel like an impostor among those who take on more of a philosophy than I do.
Am I 'Attachment Parenting' - probably not. I don't feel I can describe myself as such because despite liking the aims and intentions I don't really live the philosophy. I'm a strong supporter of breastfeeding but I stopped at 7 month when I went back to work. I don't believe co-sleeping is safe so we never did it. I do baby wear but we also used a buggy a lot. I believe that if a baby is crying they want or need something and leaving them to cry is not the solution - however that said we did "train" Goblin to sleep through the night with a week of leaving him to cry and self settle.
Am I 'Positive Parenting' - I feel this is probably the best way to describe the style of parenting I want to emulate. But I have seen people actively doing Positive Parenting and they are amazingly calm and positive and caring people. I feel like a fraud because while I aspire to positive parenting my volatile temperament often leaves me yelling at Goblin rather than calmly discussing an issue. And all too often the choices I give Goblin are probably more of a threat - "You can get dressed or you can sit here until you are ready to get dressed" - hmmm!
Am I 'Natural Parenting' - No. Its the food that lets me down here (and the plastic toys). I have never restricted Goblin's salt and sugar intake. I no I am a pain in the behind to some of my friends who are trying to raise kids not to eat sweets and biscuits. And there I am giving Goblin Jammy Dodgers and cocktail sausages. But I don't want Goblin to grow up with food issues. At the moment he'll eat pretty much anything. And he doesn't differentiate between cucumber and chocolate. He likes both and he'll take which ever is on offer at the time. I don't want to start making food an issue by saying you can have this but you can never have that. So instead I try and moderate the things that are worse for him without telling him I'm doing it.
I can't even claim to be entirely Montessori or entirely Steiner/Waldorf. I take bits of both and try and build them into what works for us.
So I tend to feel like an odd beast. Not fitting comfortably into any niche. I have to find my own path and I'm constantly questioning, checking and reviewing what I'm doing. It feels lonely It feels like everyone else has found their way and I am still thrashing around in the bushes.
But maybe I am not alone. Maybe actually we are all laminate flooring, thinking that each other are genuine wood floorboards. Or is that just wishful thinking?
You're not alone at all. I think we all have moments of thinking we are 'laminate' (hee hee). Although I identify strongly with Waldorf, I would say we are 'inspired' by Waldorf because we use aspects of the philosophy, but where we don't feel it is the right fit we depart from it. I also try to use Positive Parenting approaches, and less so Natural Parenting (like you we don't take a strong approach to limited sugars and salt). So if your the old one out, I'm there with you :-)
ReplyDeleteknew I could count on you : )
DeleteDon't feel alone! I always feel a bit different too, but I think a lot of people do. I'd never heard of any if these when I had my kids and we all survived!
ReplyDeleteyeah thats true, I had no idea what baby wearing was until Goblin was over 2 stone. We did baby wear - we just didn't know thats what it was called.
DeleteNo one has parenting all sewn up, I'm a big believer in plastic toys and chocolate, but also like elements from positive parenting and attachment parenting. No two parents are alike, neither are any two kids! Do whatever you think is best for your son, we are all just muddling through! I follow your blog BECAUSE of the awesome stuff you do with Goblin, so clearly I think you're doing something right!
ReplyDeleteaw thats so nice, thanks
DeleteI love this post! I totally agree with you. I am so the odd one out here. Living in an affluent community with the best schools in the state, homeschooling. People look at me like I have horns growing out of my head. And then there's the volatile temper, I'm with you sister! Do you know how many times I've read Grace Based Parenting and Parenting With Compassion? And yet that inner yeller still comes out! Then there's the Waldorf thing....my son said to me the other day "If you're not going to teach me to read, I want to go to real school!" hmmm......Well there goes Waldorf..... Thank you so much for sharing. Our posts are oddly similar today. So remember this, you are an extraordinary mom, and your son will grow to be an amazing person because you cared enough to even think about these things and then share them with the world. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh, how I wished we lived closer. We'd definitely be friends, have awesome playdates with our little dynamos, and commiserate with each other about being the odd moms out. And you are NOT laminate. You are MARBLE flooring!!
ReplyDeleteI would probably be more Waldorf if I had more time on my hand to craft toys or a lot more money to create the environment.
With our first, I ended up squarely in the Attachment Parenting box. Not because it was a philosophy I had researched and generally agreed with but it was what worked with our E. Now, with our others it's a whole 'nother ball game. It's impossible to baby wear 4 at a time. ;)
And how I wish I could be more Natural Parenting. But our reliance on frozen pizza and canned vegetables at the moment would have that camp jeering us.
I think I am in the camp of "Whatever makes your family happy." I'll call that Happy Family Parenting
I'm always the odd one out too - I can't find my niche in my small farming town, therefore, have no real close friends here yet :(
ReplyDeleteI think that is one reason why I started my blog - loneliness! My blogger "friends" (whom I've never met) make me feel like I'm part of a group now :)
Great post!
"But maybe I am not alone. Maybe actually we are all laminate flooring, thinking that each other are genuine wood floorboards. Or is that just wishful thinking?"
ReplyDeleteOh you are so not along. When I'm blog hopping and reading everyone's perfect lives, with their perfect children, and their projects that went perfect, I just can't stop myself from wondering what I'm doing doing wrong. I'd like to think that behind those blog posts, are real mothers just trying hard and doing their bests.
Nice post!
Love this post and I can so relate. I take bits of each philosophy that work best for our family and combine them.
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to leave you a note since i first read your post...I think it's these bits from here and there that make up each family to be so unique and wonderful :) My take on positive parenting is just that - no prescriptions, no musts or shoulds - follow your heart and the rhythm of your family :)
ReplyDelete