Boys have long hair too

This post was written as a contribution to the Boys Have Long Hair, Too Blog Carnival.  The participating bloggers are sharing their experiences, struggles, and opinions surrounding having a son who has long hair.

(Goblin is 30 months)

Goblin has beautiful hair. It is straight and shiny and easy to maintain and currently hangs to the middle of his back. There are pros and cons to having a two and a half year old boy with long hair. Most of the cons come in the form of maintaining it. Goblin, as you'll know if you read this blog regularly, is a very active little chap and as a result he is often knee deep in mud, paint, sand or food. His hair can get quite full of 'ick' and nasty. I tend to wash it every other day. He doesn't seem to mind having his hair washed (most days), but brushing his hair has started to be a daily 'trauma'. Although it is silky and thick it gets occasional knots in it. Not bad ones, he doesn't have the daily dreadlocks that some kids are plagued with, but it does need a daily brush. His bellows over brushing - which start up before the brush has actually touched his hair - did make me seriously consider whether we were doing the right thing by keeping his hair long.

"Am I a mean mum? Should I cut it short like 'normal' boys so he doesn't have this experience?" 

But then I realised that if I was a mum of a girl with long hair, I would be unlikely to jump immediately to the conclusion that I was being mean leaving her hair long and that I should cut it all off because of a few moans about brushing. I realised that the guilt I was feeling was due in a large part to the social norm that says boys should have short hair.
Rather than cut it all off we invested in a tangle teezer. Two in fact - a neon pink one and a sparkly purple one - the only colours the shop stocked. Now when I brush his hair, Goblin gets one brush and I get the other. This calms him a lot. And the teasers are very effective, we still have wails but when I ask "is this actually hurting" he says no. So I don't feel so guilty any more.

Goblin's hair growth from birth to now

What are the up sides to having a boy with long hair? Well there is the obvious aesthetic one. I think he looks completely adorable. But I'm his mum so I'm biased.
The other one is that people mistake him for a girl. I think some of my friends think that I wanted a girl so I am compensating by letting Goblin's hair grow. That's not it though. I just like that in this world where there is a lot of gender separating (pink for girls and blue for boys), Goblin sometimes sneaks through the cracks. I'm hoping that by not always being treated as the male of the species, it will help balance the times when he is overtly treated differently because of his gender. I guess some of you are probably saying "what on earth is she talking about?"......

I can't blame people for thinking he is a girl!

I read about studies where they dressed babies in boys clothes, and the same babies in girls clothes and watched how adults interacted with the babies. Regardless of the actual gender of the baby, the 'girls' were treated more gently and called things like pretty and sweet, while the 'boys' were hurled around more and called Champ and Little Bruiser.
And I see this happening in the park and at soft play. I don't have any objection to those names or the hurling around, but Goblin gets enough of that at home. What I like is when people see him playing and assume he's a girl they seem to be more protective. They tell their kids to "let the little girl have a turn". I even had a mum telling her much smaller male toddler that he needed to watch out and play nicely near the little girl. I don't think that Goblin needs this protection, but its nice that from time to time he receives the gentleness that we should be giving to both genders equally.
Having Goblin always mistaken for a girl has certainly made me think twice before assuming a child's gender. And maybe check my behaviour towards both genders as well.

long, long hair

So is that why we grew Goblin's hair long - To try and make him gender neutral? Er! NO! The truth is we didn't consciously plan to have a boy with long hair, it just happened. Hublet and I both hate hairdressers (not the people, just the activity of going and having your hair cut). I cut our hair (badly - although I've got better since Goblin was born and I stopped doing it while drunk). So we instinctively shied away from the idea of rushing down to the local salon to get baby's first hair cut. And now not going to the hairdresser has become a habit. People have said to us "What will you do when Goblin wants his hair cut". I think they assume it will be a big deal. But Hublet and I both agreed that the answer is simple - If and when Goblin wants his hair cut, he can get his hair cut. 

After all, it's his hair.

We'd love it if you stopped by to read submissions by the other amazing carnival bloggers

My Happy Hippie Boy -- Andie from Crayon Freckles shares why she and her husband have chosen to let their 3.5 yr old son’s hair go uncut. 

Boys Have Long Hair, Too: A Father’s View -- Alex from Glittering Muffins says it happens that not only does his son, Nico have long hair, he as the father has no problem with it either. He personally does not find that long hair emasculates a boy (or adult alike)...

Boys Have Long Hair, Too: A Maman’s View -- Valerie from Glittering Muffins son has been called a cute little girl for about a year and a half (he’s 2.5 yo). So she corrects people and tells them he’s a boy and loves his long hair (Once in a while she even throws in a “he also loves to watch Strawberry Shortcake”). 

Sampson -- Kellie from Our Mindful Life reflects on how long hair gives her son power.

Trials and Tribulations of a Boy with Tresses -- Carolyn from Mama's Little Muse talks about her experience in raising a boy with hair too beautiful to cut short. It is about how people have reacted; how she has created keepsakes featuring his hair; and also how they have arrived at a game that they play so that the hair brushing experience goes more smoothly.

His Hair, His Decision -- Lyndsay from Our Feminist {Play}School asks the question “why shouldn't a boy have long hair?”. Her 'answers' are historical, personal and family-specific.

Boys Have Long Hair, Too -- Sarah from This is Me…Sarah Mum of 3 is mum to 3 children a boy aged 10, girl aged 8 and a boy aged 5, Always loving the longer hair styles for boys her two boys have had many different hair styles over the years but always seem to resort back to the longer locks even against the negative comments they sometimes recieve.

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